《化身博士》

最近正在读一本小说，叫作《化身博士》。讲的是一位受人尊敬的杰基尔博士为了使自己长期掩盖的恶的自我得已释放，发明了一种药水，可以随时变身为海德先生，以通过另一种身份纵情享乐。小说中描述的“双重人格”，很符合前段时间的我。叔叔提醒着我要关注自己的思想，抑制不好的想法，所以我很努力地抑制脑子里的抱怨。一方面知道叔叔是为我好；另一方面觉得自己抑制得要疯了，真想变成另一个我，去释放释放。

可这个礼拜发生的一件事却让我看到了希望。一天下午，叔叔出去办事了。于是我对自己说 “现在可以释放了”。可下一秒，我却有意识地，又有点自然地选择了 “不，我愿意想别人的好”。我笑了，觉得周围的场很祥和，很舒服。终于，好的思维方式开始成为我的一部分了。现在再改正也不觉得像之前那么吃力了。而且，叔叔还告诉了我们抑制的方法，那就是想到“发给别人的一切最终都会回到自己的身上”。这样想，改正起来就容易多了。希望我可以很快变好，变得阳光，正面，积极。

I'm currently reading a novel called "Dr. Incarnate". It's about a respected Dr. Jekyll who, in order to free his long-covered evil self, invented a potion that can transform into Mr. Hyde at any time to indulge in another identity. The "dual personality" described in the novel is very in line with me some time ago. Uncle reminded me to pay attention to my thoughts and suppress bad thoughts, so I tried very hard to suppress the complaints in my mind. On the one hand, I know that uncle is for my good; on the other hand, I feel like I'm going crazy with restraint, and I really want to become another me and release it.

But something happened this week that gave me hope. One afternoon, uncle went out to run errands. So I said to myself "now it's time to release". But in the next second, I consciously and somewhat naturally chose "No, I would like to think of others' well-being". I laughed and felt that the surrounding field was peaceful and comfortable. Finally, good thinking started to become a part of me. Correcting it now doesn't feel as difficult as it used to be. Moreover, uncle also told us the method of restraint, which is to think that "everything you send to others will eventually come back to you". Thinking about it this way, it's much easier to correct. Hope I can get better soon, be sunny, positive, positive.

自己一直有一个很根深蒂固的问题，就是什么都瞧不起。瞧不起人，瞧不起规则，瞧不起好吃的好玩的。原来被老师收拾，很大程度上也是因为自己瞧不起老师的学校与功利的态度。瞧不起人，已经形成习惯了。

然而，这个礼拜，我深刻地体会到了瞧不起规则所带来的没有规则的痛苦。规则带来的公平对心里健康的影响真是不容小觑。于是，我决定改掉 “瞧不起人”的毛病，不想再像以前给他人造成不舒服的感觉了。

I have always had a very deep-rooted problem, that is, I look down on everything. Look down on people, look down on rules, look down on delicious and fun. It turned out that I was cleaned up by the teacher, largely because I looked down on the teacher's school and utilitarian attitude. It's a habit to look down on people.

This week, however, I deeply felt the pain of looking down on rules without rules. The impact of the fairness of the rules on mental health cannot be underestimated. So, I decided to get rid of the "look down on people" problem, and I don't want to cause discomfort to others like before.