夜晚的聲響

夜晚的音響裡緩緩流出《Amore》和《盛夏之雨》来；我終於還是決定寫些有關音樂的事了。不過，恐怕很難很快就說完吧，所以終於也不知道究竟該撿些什麼來說，想來想去便只想出有美這個字來，而再說下去就是長長的回憶了。坦誠地說，我終究是喜歡不來許多的流行歌了，愛來愛去，卻怎麼找也找不見真誠的影子。可是，我也還是怎樣也絲毫理解不來交響樂，只喜歡聽些簡單的几重奏，又或是獨奏；草草聽幾首貝多芬和巴赫，覺得果然不錯，然後便將他們甩在傍邊不再聽了，復又撿起慣常聽的曲子來。我也想再高雅些，但總也不想將自己弄得虛偽起來。喜歡的曲子裡有些是像坂本龍一這樣有名的人寫的，可許多畢竟還是那些沒什麼名氣、甚至或許單靠音樂並不能讓自己在物質上活得很好的人寫的。只是這些樂曲的美時常使我失去理智，甚至心中不由得升起或許不必要的厭惡來，想到錢這東西又算得了什麼呢，覺得這樣真是再好不過。那些每天除了玩樂傻笑的人便什麼也不想，也不知道的人，即使是遠遠地看著，即使是恰好有著副好看的軀殼，也令人覺得分外的空虛和醜陋。沈從文曾對汪曾祺曾說，你手裡有隻筆啊，你怕什麼呢。我慢慢懂得他的意思了。自然他沒失去理智，因為他是窮到底過的。而我這樣自嘲，是因為我還什麼都沒有經歷，卻竟然敢說這樣的大話。但也就是這樣，這畢竟是我的心裡話，再多矯飾一下就是虛偽的行徑了。

From audio slowly flowing out “Amore” and “The Rain of Summer”(A Chinese song that actually doesn’t have an English name), I finally decided to write something about music. However, I am afraid it is difficult to express all the things in a short time. So in the end, I don’t know which things to pick specifically for telling, and the only word that comes to me is Beauty, following which is my long memory. I don’t want to give some judgement, for, to be honest, though for a long time, I have stopped listening to pop songs, which are mostly about love, but actually often lack of it, I can’t fall in love with symphonies or classical music; the music pieces I love are sometimes written by famous composers like Ryuchi Sakamoto, but many of them are still written by composers who, only by music, may not be able to live a prosperous material life. But the thing is that I often lose my sense before the beauty they compose, thinking money matters not, thinking nothing is better than this way of living. Shen Congwen once said to Wang Zengqi: you have a pen, what you fear? He, of course, didn’t lose sense for he had really been poor. The reason I say I do is that I have not been through it, yet I dare to talk big as such. But no matter what, this is it, what I am thinking now in my heart with its heat.

因為叔叔想讓我們更快地提高，我們最近開始每天都說英語了。一開始覺得怪彆扭的，畢竟雖然學英語學了好長時間，卻也沒怎麼在課餘時間開口說幾句英語。但就這樣去上大學怎麼行呢，我總不能除了上課什麼也不幹吧，所以還是漸漸地說得越來越多了。而後我發現大家也是一樣，雖然開始時都有些靦腆，不過最終話都慢慢多了起來，恐怕都想要快快地提高吧。

Because uncle wanted us to improve more quickly, we began speaking English everyday. From the start, I felt it quite awkward since though I had learned English for a long time, I didn’t speak English in extracurricular time. But how could I go to University like this, for I couldn’t do nothing but attending classes. So, I began speaking more and more. Then, I found that everybody was alike. Though they also spoke not much from the start, but began speaking more and more after a while. Maybe they were also thinking to improve more quickly.